Hair Strikes Back

Those who know me best, know about my very serious and sometimes overly dramatic hair fettish. It doesn't matter where I am, hair simply follows me around. Maybe that's largely due to the thick mop of hair that hangs from head. But even other hair seems to lurk towards me whether it's: in my dinner, stuck on my blanket, in a plie of snow that I happened to land on (another stroy for anther time) or it just somehow weasled its way into my mouth, hair is always there and it is always grossing me out to the max. It's like it is out to get me and me alone. So with that in mind it should seem as no surprise that my very own hair tried to attack me.
It all started about 8 years ago when my family and I moved to utah. My room is located down in the dungeons, but the perqs of dungeons almost solely lie with having your very own bathroom. I really liked this bathroom and that was largely due to the shower and the shower drain. Most shower drains don't have very big holes so after each shower there is this huge build up of hair over the shower drain that I would always have to pick out after each use. It absolutely drove me crazy! So when I saw the big wholes in this shower drain, I figured out a perfect system of getting the hair off my fingers and through the drain with the least amount of human contact possible. If any hair would get stuck on my fingers I would simple stick it to the wall, then point the shower head on that wall unitll all the hair moved down, down, and down into the drain and out of eyesight. I loved this system. It was clean and hair free. I loved this system for about 8 years......then the hair started to fight back. It wasn't unitl last christmas break when I was home for about 3 weeks that I realized my drain wasn't draining as well as it should be. With further examination, I noticed oxidized hair strands over parts of the drain wholes that had gotten stuck there from prior washinngs. I couldn't get it out so I chose to ignore it. That whole christmas break the water would drain less and less but I was in denial about it so I just pretended that everything was hunky dory. Well, each time I came home after that the problem would intensify. Then I moved back home for the summer and the water would hardly drain at all. It seemd as though 8 years of hairl buildup were coming back to haunt me. So, I being a very brave soul, chose to take matters and my yellow rubber gloves, into my own hands. I strategically popped open the drain with a phillips screwdriver, soaked the whole place with Chlorox Bleach, and formed a hair snagging device out of a metal hanger. Then I dove into one of my biggest nightmares: Slimy, black, oxidized, chunkified hair. I dug dip, dry heaved a few times and finally came out with a good chunk of the enemy that was probably the size of a softball, a very large softball. I wiped the sweat off my brow then turned on the water ready to see it rush down that drain like never before. However, to my dismay the water was draining even less this time around than before. I hadn't even come close to the hairy monster. I got on my hands and knees once more, tweaked my metal hair snagging device with a few twists here and there, and dug deep into the dark tunnels of that massive pipe. My first few dives into the dark abyss were failures. Finally, on my last attempt for the day, I felt my snagger catch onto to something and I knew I had scored big. I pulled and pulled on that metal hanger until I could feel the suction of that hairy monster being relased from its slimy pipe. Eventually I was able to grab the end of the hair with my my rubber gloves and I pulled on that suker like there was no tomorrow. I tugged fiercely until finally I got to the end of my hairy monster. I examined it in between my drive heaves (seriously, though I almost did throw up) and what once may have been Hair as Long and as beautiful as Repunsel's hair, was now the size of an over fed, black, tuberous, slug, with chunkies crawling over its epidermis. That hairy creature thing is the very definition of frightening and disgusting.
Thankfully, I am happy to say that just as most Heroes do, I am living happily everafter. However, I do lose some sleep at night knowing that I really didn't get rid of that hair at all, but just moved it to another habitat. I wonder what jumkyard its lurking around now.